just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Randomize