These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
