Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
