He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
