omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
