I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
