The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
