if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
