he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
