fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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