I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
