haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
