Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
you had me at cake vodka
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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