Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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