Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
