I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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