you turned your livingroom into a bong?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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