I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
