Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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