I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
