Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
