Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
