five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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