never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I still have a little drunk in my system
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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