Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I would ride that face into the sunset
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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