it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
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