Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
