So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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