i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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