If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
