I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
