She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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