Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize