i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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