She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
