even my farts smell like vagina
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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