Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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