Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
