I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
