Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
