I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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