Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
