She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
