wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
