I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
