You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
