If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
