He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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