I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
