Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
