Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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