He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
