I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
