I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
