i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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