69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
