he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
