She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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