I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
