Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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