It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We need a shit load of segways right now
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
wow bdsm is so cute
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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