Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
