ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
