Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
