Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
