By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
