My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
