Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i love accidental penises.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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