so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
