you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
