this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
