I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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